Eric Forbes

I want to thank the hateful people at NOM for their video which I watched and then reacted to with a blog post. That took me on a journey through the welcoming cornfields of Iowa to discover that it was there that civil rights were born.

I’m a gay Californian and I can’t get married. But gay Iowans can. Imagine the shifting of mind I’ve had about how backward Iowa must be given its geographical location in the “heartland” where corn and wheat fields sprawl in every direction instead of cement and asphalt freeways weaving through a tech bubble bursting. Corn vs. technology. Civil rights vs. outside-money-driven fear campaigns. Who knew?

On Facebook I noticed that some of my friends were also enraged at the NOM video and one posted a play-by-play response. It was profane yet sincere and from the heart. I loved it. But then I got back to Iowa. Yes, Iowa.

It was there that I discovered a great way to bridge the chasm between fear-mongering religious groups and equal-rights activists:

Let’s call everything CIVIL MARRIAGE.

Not civil unions. Not domestic partnerships. CIVIL MARRIAGE. Let that phrase ring in your ears for a few seconds… doesn’t it just sing? The concept of “marriage” being a religious sacrament is valid. But it wasn’t always this way. People of faith have been at odds over how to regard marriage. It’s man-made. Yet it’s a sacred union between two people. And if that’s what you believe, fine. Proceed to your nearest church and don’t forget to file for your marriage license with the local county court. 

Marriage license? Do I need one of those? Why can’t I just go to my church and ask the pastor to marry me? You can, but it won’t hold up in court. It won’t be a marriage in the eyes of the state. And so marriage is obviously a sacrament and a contract between two people that is licensed by the state. Interesting.

So marriage is two things: it’s a legal contract and (optionally, depending on ones faith) a holy sacrament. How can we make sure that everyone who wants to get married is able to while allowing the “holiness” of marriage to also exist (if applicable).

Let’s call it “CIVIL MARRIAGE”

This wasn’t my idea. I saw it first in a press release from Iowa Governor Chet Culver in response to his state supreme court’s decision to allow same-sex marriages. It was in that letter that I found the phrase I’m smitten with:

“CIVIL MARRIAGE”

Some highlights of his letter (emphasis added):

“At the outset, I want to emphasize that the question before the Iowa Supreme Court was one of civil marriage only – a state-recognized legal status constituting a civil contract. Civil marriage always has been, and will continue to be, separate from religious marriage that takes place in churches and places of worship.”

“As I have stated before, I personally believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. This is a tenet of my personal faith.”

“The Iowa Supreme Court’s decision has, in fact, reaffirmed that churches across Iowa will continue to have the right to recognize the sanctity of religious marriage in accordance with their own traditions and church doctrines.”

“The Supreme Court’s decision does not require that churches recognize marriages between persons of the same gender or officiate over such unions. The Court does not have, nor should any court ever have, that kind of power over our religious lives.”

“Yet, the Supreme Court of Iowa, in a unanimous decision, has clearly stated that the Constitution of our state, which guarantees equal protection of the law to all Iowans, requires the State of Iowa to recognize the civil marriage contract of two people of the same gender.”

“The Court also concluded that the denial of this right constitutes discrimination.”

“Therefore, after careful consideration and a thorough reading of the Court’s decision, I am reluctant to support amending the Iowa Constitution to add a provision that our Supreme Court has said is unlawful and discriminatory.”

“As Governor, I must respect the authority of the Iowa Supreme Court, and have a duty to uphold the Constitution of the State of Iowa. I also fully respect the right of all Iowans to live under the full protection of Iowa’s Constitution.”

[full article]

The NOM video and Iowa’s decision have inspired me:

1. To write a blog entry
2. To dig a little deeper and back up my rant with links on the web
3. To relax in the face of adversity
4. To watch a guy spinning on YouTube
5. To look for a whirling dervish on YouTube (close enough)
6. To post both videos on Facebook to raise spirits a bit
7. To experiment in my kitchen: can I spin like a dervish too? (Sorta!)
8. To make some music that I can twirl to. (later today)
9. To make a video of myself twirling to my own music. (after that)
10. To celebrate life. After all, it’s almost Easter and no matter your faith, it’s time to feel life sprouting from the earth again. 

I saw a news blip about Iowa allowing same-sex couples to marry and thought “Iowa? Why Iowa?”

What surprised me at first wasn’t that another state has legalized same-sex marriage. What caught me off-guard was that it came from a state in the “heartland” of the United States, a place known for its conservative leanings. It was one of the last places I expected to see an even-handed interpretation of civil rights law. But then, I’m not from Iowa.

I didn’t know that:

1. In 1847, the University of Iowa became the first public university in the country to give women unfettered access to higher education.
2. The state did away with racial barriers to marriage in 1851, more than 100 years before the U.S. Supreme Court would ban miscegenation statutes nationwide.
3. In 1868, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that segregated schools are a denial of equal protection of the laws. Brown vs. Board of Education, which did away with school segregation nationally, didn’t come down until 1954.
4. And in 1873, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled against racial discrimination in public accommodations. It would be almost 100 years before the U.S. Supreme Court would reach the same decision.
5. Then of course there was that whole “voting for a black man in the Democratic primary” thing not too long ago.

In a joint statement released last Friday, the day the Iowa court issued its gay marriage ruling, Iowa Senate Majority Leader Mike Gronstal and House Speaker Pat Murphy released a joint statement saying: 

“When all is said and done, we believe the only lasting question about today’s events will be why it took us so long. It is a tough question to answer because treating everyone fairly is really a matter of Iowa common sense and Iowa common decency.”

[full article]

That last part rings in my ears like a declaration: “…treating everyone fairly is really a matter of … common sense and … common decency.” 

So color me corrected. I didn’t know the long-standing history of Iowa doing things right long before the rest of the country decided to follow suit. I assumed that, given its physical location far from the liberal-leaning edges where cities like New York City*, Los Angeles* and San Francisco*, it would lag behind these iconic lands of free thought and equal treatment. *Note: None of these cities allows same-sex marriage. Interesting.

Do the metro areas then really have more open-minded people? Does someone who believes in fairness have to drive a Prius or can he instead drive a farm tractor? I’m letting this new information soak in. I’m letting my preconceived notions of how people think go. Just let ‘em go and into that empty space I hope for better understanding.

Here are some links I discovered while learning more about Iowa and where we might go from here:

1. What changed in five days
2. Gay right opponents issue warning 
   They chanted, “Let us vote,” after House leaders blocked the effort by ruling it out of order.
   “We’re not going to let mob rule rule this state,” said House Speaker Pat Murphy, D-Dubuque. “There’s no reason for this type of behavior and we’re not going to put up with it.” 

Votes become “mob rule” in Iowa and that’s not allowed. Proposition 8 felt unfair when it was written and is nothing more than discrimination. If we use Pat Murphy’s logic:

voting (for something that is inalienable) = mob rule => not acceptable

But in California, the initiative process allows voters to bypass the legislature and make their own revisions and amendments to the state’s constitution leaving it up to the fundraising political action committees to gather as much money and support around an idea and get get the popular vote come election day. 

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. It’s a big topic, and I just dipped my toe back in. The water’s a bit cool, but I expect it to warm up in time.

And in this spirit, I came across (now) President Obama’s 2004 DNC speech in Boston. It’s almost 19 minutes long, but worth every second. It stirs my soul to hear him speak with such conversational conviction. For John Kerry too (this was 2004 after all):

I’m wound up tight
don’t know what to do
it’s already late
this much is true

I’m wound up tight
the day is through
I’m thinking of sleep
and so should you

This is the letter I wrote and sent to Congresswoman and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi this morning via her website:

Dear Madam Speaker,

I ask for your attention in the case of Tim DeChristopher, a University of Utah student who was recently indicted by a grand jury last Wednesday for his actions to block oil leases to public land by participating in an auction in December 2008.

In my opinion, Mr. DeChristopher’s actions were an an example of non-violent civil disobedience and should be recognized as such. The penalty of 10 years in prison with up to $750,000 in fines for his non-violent and environmentally-sensitive actions is unfair.

http://www.bidder70.org/news/view/136540/

Please also consider that Secretary of the Interior Salazar recently found these auctioned leases to be invalid:

http://www.bidder70.org/news/view/137452/

Furthermore in the midst of an economic recession, President Obama recently signed the Omnibus Public Lands Management Act of 2009 saving millions of acres and thousands of miles of coastline for future enjoyment. Your direct involvement in this Act makes me think that you’re the right person to help Mr. DeChristopher get the just treatment he deserves.

I am a proud California resident and small business owner and applaud the actions taken by Mr. DeChristopher last December. In my mind, his actions signaled the end of “business as usual” in the Bush administration and plainly stood as an advocate for the environment.

I hope that you give this matter a moment of your time.

With warmest regards and best wishes,

=Eric Forbes

I woke up earlier than usual this morning and found myself feeling rested, calm and sans cold. Last night I started to sneeze, get congested and otherwise feel a cold coming on. Luckily I had a reserve of NOW Elderberry & Zinc lozenges and dissolved 3 of them in quick succession along with about 2 liters of water before bed. By this morning, my cold was gone and I felt great. And to further the remedy my neighbor (Bob) greeted me this morning while I was cutting the lawn and admitted that he was fighting a cold of his own.

That lead me to put 10 – 12 lozenges into a small zipper bag with instructions and where to get more and take them over to him. He was grateful and I knew that they would do the trick as he smiled. A little zinc and elderberry can be magic. And it’s really cheap. Spread the word. 

Before cutting the small patch of grass in front of the house, I wanted to do some maintenance on the mower. I  bought a new blade set for it at Home Depot 2 years ago and  kept the blade set  next to the mower as a reminder that the original blades had been abused long enough.  It spent its life cutting brush, hitting rocks, and failing to cut ragged pieces of metal that were just above the surface of the old field I used to mow. The blades were dented and gouged beyond a simple sharpening. They had already been sharpened once or twice before, and I knew it was time for a new set. Before I could replace the blades, I needed to dump the gas that remained in the tank to keep it from spilling out onto the ground when the mower was turned over. The gas was old – yes, gas gets old and when it does, it turns to varnish which gums up carburetors and clogs fuel lines. The old gas needed to be dumped in order to make room for fresh fuel. I remembered a metal gas can on the north side of the house (along with an older, owner-provided mower left outside in the rain and weather) and found it empty. It became a receptacle for the used fuel. I easily lifted the mower to one side to drain the gasoline into the metal jerry can. Once that part was done, I was ready to flip the mower upside-down in order to remove the old blades.

First, I removed the spark plug wire from the spark plug. This would prevent the engine from starting while I was spinning the blade by hand in order to put it in the correct position for removal. I found a scrap piece of wood (a 4″ x 4″ about 18″ long) to block the blades in place while using a 14mm socket and wrench to remove the 2 bolts holding the blades in place. The bolts were hard to break free but after applying steady force, both bolts came loose and the blades were free. Blades? Yes, blades with an “s”. There are two sets blades on this mower, one beneath the other, which enable the re-cutting or mulching feature which transforms the grass clippings into a vapor – well, almost. I removed the old blades and set them aside carefully in order to make sure I installed the new ones in the same order and direction. The instructions indicated that a torque wrench was required so once the bolts were installed and snugged slightly, I used a torque wrench to apply 35 – 43 ft-lbs of turning force to each bolt as specified in the instructions. I cleaned the deck of debris and removed the wood block before flipping the mower over again. I filled the gas tank with fresh fuel, replaced the spark plug wire, and checked the oil level before giving the engine two quick pulls on the starting cord. As expected, even considering that I had just flipped it upside-down, drained the fuel tank, and refilled it,  the engine started without hesitation and continued running smoothly for the 15 minutes it took me to cut the grass.

Maintaining the mower took more time than cutting the grass itself! But I wanted to see what a fresh set of blades would do. This was prompted by my recent visit to the VA Palo Alto last week where I sat on freshly-cut expanse of lawn under a shade tree where I eyed the depressing result of dull mower blades. Each blade of grass was brown at the tip and ragged, split into no less than 10 fibers, a direct cause of using a less-than-sharp cutting blade. Why should I care? I enjoy the process of cutting grass. I always have. Cutting grass is something I used to get passionate about having spent many summers as a kid cutting my family’s yard (which was at once 12 acres of weekly-trimmed lawn) and cutting my neighbors’ lawns for a fee. I noticed the difference between a lawn cut with sharp blades and dull ones. I remembered the sound of the mower deck becoming raspy and dissonant as the blades lost their edge, as the blades of grass were torn instead of shorn. The effects were plainly obvious in a matter of days: ragged tips turning brown and tarnishing an otherwise beautiful sea of green. I sharpened blades often and listened for that smooth-cutting sound. This (and rain) ensured the grass would stay green.

One example of a California Native garden

The smell of freshly-cut grass is one of my favorite memories and it’s been decades since I’ve cut grass, real grass. The sharp blades did their magic – each blade was clipped precisely and evenly. The clippings were captured by the mower bag and recycled as compost. The lawn is a deep emerald but it won’t last forever. If I buy this house, I’ll remove most of the lawn to reduce the amount of water used to maintain it. I’ll plant California native plants in its place. Perhaps I’ll reserve just a little, just a path. Maybe there will be a manicured walking path of green and no more. A part that will remain for no other reason than to give my dog a place to pee, a reason to use my mower for the smell of summer, freshly-cut.

I started reading “Making It All Work” by David Allen this morning. I became familiar with his GTD (Getting Things Done) methodology a few years ago from his book of the same name and started using parts of his schema to organize my life. One basic thing in his office is the concept of a well-labeled file folder. At the time, I was a staunch supporter of the hanging file folder. I liked the idea of all that metal inside my file cabinet drawer and the well-organized look of the folders as they hung in perfect vertical rows. But after much chagrining and waffling between hanging and ordinary file folders (which David Allen recommends) I made the switch to ordinary (but no less colorful) file folders which are labeled with a Brother P-Touch label maker attached to my office iMac. This process is efficient and yields a container that is easy to find and take along to meetings, stack in a pile for temporary projects, and recycle when needed. 

Besides adopting his idea of well-labeled file folders (which I had done earlier but not consistently), I have casually adopted his other more-important ideas. The concept of “Someday/Maybe” is a good one, and I have put that to some use especially where online purchases are concerned. I like to shop online, and I can usually justify any purchase with a good reason to have it now. Later I look back and realize I could have waited or avoided the purchase altogether. Thus, the “Someday/Maybe” file. In GTD it goes beyond a single folder though. It’s a way to organize lots of things, even projects, and I have not delved into the development of project-level organization or the weekly review. Or the inbox. I just open my mail and do the stuff whether it take two minutes (the GTD threshold for doing it now or putting it off until later) or not. If I had a “trusted system” I could have better use of my time and waking energy. 

So I’m reading his latest book for some inspiration. I have some things in place and I already understand the methodology. Using it will be the real work, and perhaps now with focus being a problem in my life, GTD could shed some light. Back to reading!

I woke up this morning earlier than usual (7:30 AM) and felt refreshed and excited about what I was about to do today. I had the whole day open to do whatever I wanted, without travel or other appointments. Or so I thought. Leaving the day “open” allowed me to meet with a business partner/friend in San Francisco for lunch moments after I started breakfast. An appointment. Drat. 

But then I thought about it again. I felt refreshed. I felt happy. I looked forward to today. And I thought that was because I had no plans set up for how the day might go. Having the day open gave me pleasure. But in fact, having nothing to do drives me crazy sooner or later.

I have to have something to do to be happy.

And thus, the problem: focus. 

If I fail to organize my day in advance, with appointments and items on a to-do list, I wind up doing whatever I want. This would be a dream for most people. No boss to tell you what to do. No one calling to interrupt the important email you were right in the middle of. No meetings with peers. No commuting. How did I get this life I have right now? How is it possible that I got my dream and still spend a vast amount of my time wondering what I should be doing next? Why can’t I be happy doing nothing? I don’t know really. I wasn’t raised to think that way I guess. But somehow it’s deeper than that.

Doing something equates to changing the physical shape of something (cleaning the house, organizing office materials), creating something (email responses, phone calls, composing music, working on an ad or my website), or … what else could fall under this heading? Does reading a book count? Does planning my day count? Does mapping out where I want to be tomorrow, next week or next year count? Does defining who I want as a life partner count? I guess they all should, right? Why wouldn’t mental processes, even the latent, invisible ones count as “something done?” 

The curse of too much time is not enough focus.

time comes in waves, endlessly
as I shuffle along the shore
wispy wind-wave crests
parade diagonally to shore
this aqua motion
changes rhythm
just like jazz

…

I would like to thank my producer for his unfailing support of my endeavors, and my mom for her undying love, and my preacher for his love of Jesus, and my teacher for her command of the English language, and my coach for dragging my dick in the dirt, and my smog test technician for failing to notice the check engine light before starting the test, and WordPress for making this application and letting me ramble on whenever I want. Thank you. Thank you.

I’m not blogging as often as I’d like to and this morning the question begged a solid answer:

Why am I not blogging everyday?

I think it comes down to concern. Concern that what I write will be judged. Concern that the people that read what I write will find something unsatisfying or upsetting about me. That somehow bloggers and the act of blogging is narcissistic, a cry for attention, please anyone read what I have to say (or else I’ll cease to exist). I don’t have this urge to blog to make myself bigger than I am. In the scheme of things, I’m pretty insignificant and am quite satisfied staying that way for at least a while longer. I never expected my writing habit to cross over into the public realm and so far my writing has been limited to email correspondence with friends and business people and my journal entries which are intermittent flashes of understanding with date and time stamps stored on my laptop and on hard drive volumes elsewhere. 

The idea of blogging is a good one. It has caught on. Many people use a web log to record their experiences, post comments, revisit news stories and god knows what else. It seems like you can do almost anything using a blog, but the words don’t just appear all by themselves on the screen — someone has to put them together. And that’s where the idea of blogging comes to rest. Someone (me) has to write (something) frequently (daily, perhaps) that others can read (if they should find it) and allow comments to be made (good or bad) about what I’ve just said in print (the blog post). My initial excitement about keeping an active blog was a strong elixir. I felt intoxicated by the fact that I decided to start blogging about myself. I came to this idea by my own thoughts. No one forced me to blog. And no one forces me to blog now. I am blogging to be someone better. I am blogging to be someone I can share with others. I am blogging to characterize my ideas in a way that is accessible and exposed. And I am blogging to get over my fear.

I blog because I am exhausted by fear.

The fear of myself getting exactly what I want while others do without.

The fear of getting too big, too rich, too fast.

The fear of having no one to share deeply with as I get older.

But none of this has even begun to manifest. I fear other people’s fears. These fears are not mine, but they surround me nonetheless, like a neighborhood cat that gets fed here and there but belongs to no one. These fears are a feral cat.