Eric Forbes

I got a message from Justin Cole at GLAAD yesterday regarding a recent episode of “So You Think You Can Dance?” where for the first time, two men danced together on stage, seemlessly exchanging traditional male and female roles in a salsa performance. It was an exciting performance but the judges decided to turn it into a morality play, albeit, a badly-acted one.

Source: GLAAD blog entry with video

Here a copy of what I sent to Jason Clark (VP, Fox Publicity) today:

Subject: So You Think You Can Dance (and Judge Us?)
From: Eric Forbes 
Date: May 23, 2009 12:08:22 PM PDT
To: Jason.clark@fox.com

Hello Mr. Clark,

I am asking that you look into the May 21, 2009 broadcast of “So You Think You Can Dance?” where a number of homophobic and outrageous remarks were made by all three of the judges, including most notably, judge Nigel Lythgoe. During the audition of Misha and Mitch, I saw a great energy and synergy between the two dancers but what came after their performance was more of an anti-homosexual morality play than a critique of their dancing.

The judges were obviously uncomfortable with the idea of two men fluidly exchanging traditional male and female roles. Judges in a performance art like dance should be more open to a variety of expressions and modalities. I expected more from these judges last night. Instead, I was painfully let down by their obvious admonitions to “dance with a girl… you might like it”. While I’m sure both men have danced with women before, last night they chose to dance together. What is the big deal? It’s 2009. It’s not like they got married on the dance floor. Not yet.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

=Eric Forbes
San Rafael, California

I am not really surprised considering the source (Fox) but the idea that two men cannot dance together on broadcast television just seems wrong to me. What is the big deal? The judges went on and on about how uncomfortable they were and during the audition, the judges reacted with a combination of embarrassment and confusion.

Judge Nigel Lythgoe commented: 

“It was a bit like watching Will Ferrel in ‘Blades of Glory’ really.”

“Your styles were good, if I just stick with the dancing.” [and why wouldn't you?]

“I think you probably alienate a lot of our audience.”

“I mean we’ve always had the guys dance together on this show, but they’ve never really done it in each others’ arms before.”

“I’m certainly one of those people that really like to see guys be guys and girls be girls on stage.” [what about off-stage?]

“I don’t think I liked it, to be frank.”

“But if we just keep it down to your dancing rather than you dancing together in this style, I thought you were both strong and good.” [so he didn't like it but they were good]

The other judges were just plain confused:

“It was hard for me to focus on that technique because I was still just trying to figure out –”

“It would have been easier for me in other words if one person was playing the female role and one person was playing the male role.”

Then, all three judges nailed the homophobia home (as if we didn’t get it already):

“You know what, I’d like to see you both dancing with a girl.”

“Yeah I would too.”

“Me too.”

“You never know, you might like that too.”

In an ironic twist of fate, Misha (the openly-gay dancer of the duo) went on to Las Vegas. Mitch, his straight partner, didn’t. 

It was as if they were saying: We hate your lifestyle, but you dance well. Come and make us some more money, honey.

The fortunate part is: gay people are getting smarter! We’re not going to cook and eat in the kitchen anymore. You either accept us fully or cook your own damned souffle!  

=E

It’s late. I didn’t get to bed until 3:30 AM last night. And I drove 200 miles and worked hard today. So I’m too tired to write. Really. Too tired to write. And yet, here I am. Writing.

I missed Mother’s Day last Sunday. It completely caught me by surprise. I thought it was a week away, so I didn’t order flowers or buy a card since I had time. Not really. I had my dates screwed up. And I never did speak with my mother in person when I called a few times that day. I hope she had a nice one.

What should I do about it? Should I obsess, stress-test or process a bit less? I don’t know. I’m really tired. Too tired really to write. And yet. I write.

You’d think someone like me — tired and old — would just hang up his hat and stop this tap-tap-tip-tap crap. But I can’t. It’s late. I’m tired. And I should be getting ready for bed. But something about the glow of my iMac in the kitchen has me rapt. I can’t escape it. Waning self-control. Writing feels better than fighting it: the regret, the pain of knowing I could have written something, anything, if only I’d start. 

There. I did it. And now, a little off-the-cuff poetic meter to please the muse:

Standing in line
I spotted the guy a mile away
his face wrinkled and red in the summer sun
the real deal for all to see
with all the watching I was doing
you’d think everyone else would’ve joined in

But it didn’t go that way

I spotted a guy who works hard for the money
his face told me things his lips never would
or was I dreaming? No. There he was. (Right there.)
I witnessed him.  No one seemed to notice. 

Ruddy. Wrinkled. Sexy-as-fuck.

What was I doing looking so long and hard at a man like that?

Was I expecting reciprocation?
Something to tell my friends?
Not really.
I wanted him to see me.
And when he did look my way,
Time. Stopped. Just-like-that.

I wanted that moment to last forever
and for a few seconds, it did.

He was gone.
I collected my thoughts,
littering the ground
like so many things
once cherished,
now scattered underfoot.

I’ve been working and focusing more on “what is” and I can only begin to describe how much better I feel. There is still a lot of work to do, but it doesn’t have to inhabit my mind all the time. That is the best thing I’ve gleaned from the past few weeks of reading and doing things from the following sources:

1. “Making It All Work” (David Allen, book)
2. “The Power of Now” (Eckhart Tolle, audiobook)
3. “Bootstrap Business” (Rich Christiansen, book)

It’s an odd but resonant connection: self-help/business productivity books coupled with Eastern thoughts on being in the present moment. There are significant differences between the separate texts and disciplines, yet I discovered that each complements the other. By having things in their proper place, you can release your mind to focus on the most important task at hand (or simply be). When things are in disarray, it’s much harder to let go.

But — when things are in flux and less-than-perfect, that’s a great time to be with what is. Just see things for how they are. Positive change can occur starting from that as opposed to something imagined in the mind. I never really grokked that I was separate from my mind. I thought that I was my mind. Without my mind, I’d be some kind of animal. With my mind, I am human. I am Eric Forbes. Isn’t that special? My ego sure thinks so.