Eric Forbes

So much anger.
An acid that eats me,
from inside out.

So much resistance.
It comes so easily,
I can’t make it stop.

Rage building
a fire inside me
broken windows
flames roaring though sashes.

Self-inflicted
I am a victim
You left me stranded
Loved me less than I demanded.

Yet when I choose peace,
I find it waiting there
Inside me

When I choose love,
I realize I’m 
part of it astounds me

What will I do:
Blindly continue?
Or start anew?

I wonder why it feels
so bad
to love you
like I do

© 2010.0819 Eric C Forbes

If I had lost all sense perception
I could remain a prisoner to my thoughts
ceaseless and depressing
I could construct my own destruction

As I wake up to the world around me
to the sound of birds and breezes
to the gurgling of water nearby
seeing the hills again for the first time

I see a reason for this suffering
I sense a pattern in the noise
I vow to delve deeper to unravel
twisted strands of ego
keeping me moored too close to shore

I sense the safety in not-knowing
I get the power of faith
I know we’re all made of the same spirit
and mostly hollow, empty space

Looking into your eyes I see
how much we have in common
no matter that we seem so unique
so different, in myriad ways

And then my suffering relates to yours.
Your will to defeat cancer becomes
something I can celebrate too
We’re all at the same party, after all

Unless I subscribe to the ego’s plan
Making something “good” or “bad”
Dismissing it entirely, or trying to
Elevating my own sense of status

Pretending to be right
doesn’t make it so

I’m spending time today
diving the deeper waters
holding my breath
knowing I have enough
feeling the water over my skin
sensing its softness and support
gliding through it effortlessly

All of this gained
simply by diving in
I’m learning to swim again
calmly excited

© 2010.1230 Eric C Forbes

it’s not that I can’t forget you
or move on to someone else

a strange heat comes from the hearth
where once burned a raging fire
embers lie buried in ash
radiating a soft warmth

like the memory of you
distant and yet familiar
what burned once for so long
with such intensity

now lies mostly-dead
in feathery grey ash
beneath the grate
inside my heart(h)

© 2011.0113 Eric C Forbes

I’m adjusting to what-is.
ideas in my head: a dead end.
no way to continue on.
the path abruptly ends.
another must emerge.

I’m sensing the present
the sound of my breath
a breeze’s caress
bright light of the sun

I’m leaving you now
a fantasy romance
left to chance
a love: financed

gripping fear
night after night
every night at nine

before you
I’d suffer through it
expecting it to come
forgetting to breathe

after you
sleepless nights faded
stress dissolved
and when it returned

you rubbed lavender
all over me

you rubbed lavender
into your hands and
over my chest

you made hot towels
covered my face
steamed the pain away

I bought some lavender oil
thinking of your warm hands
smelling like purple flowers

the vampires I speak of
do not savor blood
these minions collect
life
from every person they meet

leeches
slugs
parasites
bugs

roaming the earth in
search of people to
turn into mummies
such bemusement

lying
crying
trying
denying

there’s no way to know for sure
where the next will turn up
but I’ve learned something about vampires
I can show you who they are
by what they do

first, the knowing smile
coupled with a slight distain
or even outright pain,
something’s always wrong
they want you to feel it too

listen to their opening monologue,
in most cases it begins:
“I’ve had the worst day ever!”
will you take the bait?

and so it begins

negativity floods the room:
lampblack
the night sky
some light may enter and still be lost
so vast this expanse
a thoughtful:
“I’m sorry to hear that”
signals a pulsing vein
irresistible sweet succor

attention
adulation
addictive
attention

how do I adore thee?
let me comfort your pettiness.

and by doing, allow you to
SUCK
the very life from my veins!

unless I cut you off before you start
avoid your glances altogether
accept that this is who you are
and hope that one day you’ll be better

© 2010 Eric C Forbes

daylight ends so soon
rain retaliates
soaking soil
dousing dirt
a cold, damp, dark time

lights from China
decorate dying trees
balls of mirrored glass
strands of mylar
skirts of synthetic red felt
hide the thumbscrews

gifts in wrapping paper
one for Tommy
one for Jane
one for Mommy
several from Santa Claus

boxes, bags, envelopes, emails

“Thinking of You”
a frantic: ”I wonder who I forgot?”
That’s the Spirit of the Holidays!

making lists in a database
sorting for the best price
drive to the malls and warehouse stores
making sure, making sure
there’s a gift for everyone

nothing’s worse than being present
to breathe in
and breathe out

look back for a moment
sense what happened
4 seasons
12 months
360-some days
reflection. introspection.

distraction of mass consumerism

dark time closes in
time to reflect
silent communion
I can feel the deep pull of the Earth on my brain
slowing and shutting it down
forcing it to notice nature
desperate days and blackout nights
remaining calm in the midst of it

commercialization of the Solstice
over-reaction to fear too far
top trees with tinsel
wrap wreathes with joy
pretend to enjoy the process

sit in silent wonder
remember at last: Breathe.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

– William Ernest Henley (1842 – 1902)