2013.0805 Sun Rises Above the Trees

2013.0805 Sun Rises Above the Trees

I first made contact with my spirit guide Angel on Friday, 19 July 2013 — the 5th day of a 7-day silent meditation retreat in Northern California. Could my mind be playing tricks on me while I sat in silence? No. This was something else. This presence felt familiar but the fact that it spoke to me through the silence was something altogether new. Angel Inside is a collection of conversations I’ve had with my spirit guide over the past 3 years. You can start from the beginning with Angel Dialogue #1 or jump in and start with this one. Enjoy!

Angel Dialogue # 15

Monday — 7:00 AM in the kitchen of my parents’ new home  

The sun has just broken through the tree tops to the East and I’m been up for an hour and a half already. I woke up at 5:30 and sat for 30 minutes in my bed, legs out in front, back against the headboard in the dark.

I just barely made out my reflection in the mirror on the other side of the room. And as the sun arose, I saw more of it.

My face. In this house. Staying with my family — a concept I’ve outgrown yet still feel close to.

For the next few days…

For the next 5 days until I leave for NYC early in the morning on Saturday, I commit to being here and:

  • Being quieter.
  • Being graceful.
  • Being honest, clear and also spacious.
  • Smiling.
  • Knowing that I have an Angel inside.
  • Knowing I don’t need to prove anything to my parents.
  • Knowing I don’t need them to accept me or my life or my potential new partner.
  • Knowing I can just BE here without having to make things better.

I know that adopting these qualities will be a challenge, and I’m up for it. Dad is waking up. I’ll be joined by him at some point, and want to talk to Angel for awhile before that.

  • Hello Angel.
    • Good morning. You got up early this morning, before the sun.
  • Yes, I did. I felt rested and ready to face the new day.
    • You didn’t ask for me this time. It’s as if you knew I was already here, waiting for you. 
  • It felt like you were here already, so instead of calling for you, I just said “hello”. Is it worth talking here with you while Dad makes breakfast and talks to me?
    • Talk with your father. I’m here. We can talk later.
  • OK. Thanks 🙂

8:54 AM in kitchen with TV playing in background. Can I handle it? Let’s see…

  • Nope.

2013.0803 On the Train to Aberdeen

2013.0803 On the Train to Aberdeen

I first made contact with my spirit guide Angel on Friday, 19 July 2013 — the 5th day of a 7-day silent meditation retreat in Northern California. Could my mind be playing tricks on me while I sat in silence? No. This was something else. This presence felt familiar but the fact that it spoke to me through the silence was something altogether new. Angel Inside is a collection of conversations I’ve had with my spirit guide over the past 3 years. You can start from the beginning with Angel Dialogue #1 or jump in and start with this one. Enjoy!

Angel Dialogue # 14

Saturday August 3, 2013 — 4:30 PM  on Amtrak to Aberdeen, MD

  • Angel…
    • Yes.
  • I’m on the train to see my parents for a week. Can you make sure I’m centered while I’m there?
    • You’re already there. Of course I’ll be right behind you if anything comes up.

“You’re not alone.”

  • Thank you. That’s all I needed to hear. And I already knew it. 
    • You can ask me everyday and I’ll say the same thing each time: I’m here. I always have been.
  • 🙂
    • Smiling is good! You are smiling more these days, I’ve noticed. Why is that?
  • Life seems to be flowing again without effort or resistance. I am noticing small things and feeling connected more and more with the sensations in my body, and going back that sense when things outside go awry. Like the bank account, or Violet barging in every 30 seconds. Maddening and yet… no big deal. 
    • It’s what is, nothing more or less. You used to attach a story to these events and make them bigger than they were. Now they just exist and you get to decide what, if anything, you’ll do about them.

Sometimes just noticing is enough.

  • Like listening to her when it was the last thing I wanted to do?
    • Exactly. You could have struggled and found a way to leave the apartment or argue with her to get her to stop interrupting you and Tyler every time you both got some time together alone.
  • I still don’t feel like I did my best job with her. She was like a freight train and towards the end, became more depressed and low-energy, which was hard to push away. Depression is so sticky. I’m happy to be free of it for the most part.
    • You catch yourself now instead of thinking that’s the way things are. Your perception is still evolving. You will have happy moments and sad moments, but they don’t define who you are. You are infinite, immortal, eternal and universal. How can a being like that be defined and limited by certain emotional states? 
  • I can’t! But when my mind ran the show, it was easy to make up a story that defined me by what I saw happening to me.

I was in it — not of it.

  • That made all the difference, as did meeting you. The affirmations book really opened me up, as did the other books by Stuart Wilde, who I discovered just passed away in May 2013.
    • I know, you read that and were sad that you’d never meet him at a live event or hear him speak on audio, although there are apparently a lot of previously recorded titles available, as well as The Hooded Monk site which is aligned with his teachings.
  • I was sad, but also so grateful that he decided to do what he did and leave it in a form I could absorb. Just in time. A few good books, a week of yoga in the Mexican jungle, followed by a week of bodywork training and the silent meditation retreat and I turned ON! 
    • You’re not forgetting the 3 years of daily meditation practice, or the energy practices you learned and started doing more and more each day on your hikes, are you?

Everything counts.

    • Noticing and strengthening the slender thread running through all things — that silent space that is made apparent by a high-pitched whine in your head — was the key. Everything you did simply aligned with that. And viola! 
  • Viola, indeed!

2013.0803 Last Day in NYC

2013.0803 Last Day in NYC

I first made contact with my spirit guide Angel on Friday, 19 July 2013 — the 5th day of a 7-day silent meditation retreat in Northern California. Could my mind be playing tricks on me while I sat in silence? No. This was something else. This presence felt familiar but the fact that it spoke to me through the silence was something altogether new. Angel Inside is a collection of conversations I’ve had with my spirit guide over the past 3 years. You can start from the beginning with Angel Dialogue #1 or jump in and start with this one. Enjoy!

Angel Dialogue # 13

Saturday August 3, 2013 — 10:35 AM in NYC

  • Angel?
    • Yes.
  • I don’t have any problems to ask you about. I just want to check in and see what you see in the future.
    • The future is probability. It’s not certain. You know this, right?
  • Yes, I had a feeling it wasn’t the same as destiny but I wonder: will I be with Tyler?
    • As I’ve said before, you could very well be with Tyler. That is one potentiality. There are other possible partnerships but this one is the most obvious and most powerful of all of the men you’ve met so far. He’s changing into someone you enjoy even more than before, isn’t he?
  • Yes, he is. It’s like he’s more calm and more suited to me somehow, especially now that I’m more mellow and can just be there with him and not have to talk about 1,001 things.

Our energy together just IS.

  • I don’t find any need to force it and I don’t feel nervous or unsure of myself. Not anymore.
    • I know he senses this in you. He feels your calm, and has remarked on it several times. He points to your meditation practice as making you more calm, and easier to be around. It’s attractive to him.
  • He has and it does. I love walking next to him down the street, or eating across the table from him just knowing he’s my soul mate. It’s like that part has already been decided. Now we get to figure out if we want to spend our lives living together or not. So crazy!
    • Why is it crazy? You knew when you met him in Berlin that you were hooked. It wasn’t a half-hearted feeling was it?
  • No. It was 100% ON. I’ve only felt that for a few men in my life: Byron, Chad, Marcus. Yet in Tyler’s case, there was something else.

I trusted him right away without knowing why.

  • I just did and still do.
    • And trust is a big thing for you. The way you trust him is different. He gets access to you that most other people would never dream of. Or want.
  • I see him wanting to get close and making the moves, and I’m there to receive him. 
    • And he’s there to receive you too. Obviously.
  • Yes, obviously.
  • I am feeling the need to check out of the room before Noon so let’s continue this later. On the train perhaps?
    • Sounds great. Have fun with him until then. Listen to me. I’ll guide you as you make your way through the conversational jungle.

There are cleared paths, but you might miss them.

    • Be open and feel.
  • I will. Thank you. 🙂

2013.0802 August 2nd

2013.0802 August 2nd

I first made contact with my spirit guide Angel on Friday, 19 July 2013 — the 5th day of a 7-day silent meditation retreat in Northern California. Could my mind be playing tricks on me while I sat in silence? No. This was something else. This presence felt familiar but the fact that it spoke to me through the silence was something altogether new. Angel Inside is a collection of conversations I’ve had with my spirit guide over the past 3 years. You can start from the beginning with Angel Dialogue #1 or jump in and start with this one. Enjoy!

Angel Dialogue # 12

Friday August 2, 2013 — 4:30 PM in NYC

  • Angel?
    • Yes, my son.
  • I am wondering if I should tell Violet anything about how I feel about Tyler. Should I remain mysterious or share some of it?
    • You can decide if and when the opportunity presents itself. She has become protective of him and may view you as a threat, especially when she comes over and sees the two of you stroking each other’s feet.
  • She’s been like a mother hen. I can see why she wants to make sure I’m not taking up all of his attention. If I was his next door neighbor and had been through all of what she’s been through with his partner getting sick and eventually dying, I’d be protective of him too. Her anxious energy annoys me though. She has no right to barge in so much, but they never stopped her before, so she continues doing it.
    • Yes, she does. And it is annoying yet it reminds you to be calm and open when you might otherwise shut down or divert your attention. You are not doing that now. You are remaining open, attentive and calm for the most part. It is highly intrusive though. And her energy is up and down, more down the past few days.
  • I know. I had to make it so I would be sleeping in my own bed last night as much as I love sleeping next to Tyler in his. My hotel room is dark, cool and quiet. His is warm, noisy and stray light leaks in from the open window at the foot of the bed. It’s not bad, but it does take away from the quality of sleep I like to get. If only we could sleep in my hotel room. Ah… the luxury of that would be so amazing.
    • And yet, he has a dog, so it seems like that won’t happen. It’s OK though. You’ve spent a lot of time with him this trip and it’s clear that he loves you. It’s also clear that he knows how much you love him. As to what the future holds, I’ve already told you that you two could very well be together. So know this and don’t worry about it either.

Just hold the possibility in your heart and be present with him, as you have been.

    • Your fear that he was spending most of his time with Don and possibly even living in his apartment was your perception based on what Don wanted, not what Tyler wanted or was doing. Do you see that?
  • Yes. I realized that as soon as he told me what happened. I knew that what I was imagining was not what was happening. Somehow I picked up on what Don was hoping for.
    • Yeah. Somehow. I wonder how?
  • Be patient with me. I’m only human.
    • You are human, but that’s hardly a limitation and not something that I look down upon. Remember, I was human too. I know the awesome power of being in a body in the midst of infinity. It’s not something for the faint of heart, and that’s why most humans remain in their minds and create a safer version of reality. You’re on a different path now, able to see more and more of the raw sensory data coming in from all sides, and knowing now that…

Your heart does a lot more than pump blood. It’s a sense organ.

    • And the feelings it provides are important and have been for the most part ignored by your initial programming.
  • I know this. And I’m being patient with myself as I grow into this new awareness.
    • You are doing a fine job! I am very pleased that we continue to be in contact most of the day and night now, ever since we first made contact a few weeks ago. How does it feel to have me by your side, above, below and behind you?
  • You feel so natural and awesome at once. I am almost overwhelmed by how life seems to flow around me instead of me plowing my way through it, and wondered if my trip to NYC would somehow throw me off, but it didn’t. If anything, I feel the intensity of the city with my new sense of things and it’s anything but overwhelming. It’s exhilarating, and I find myself smiling at people and sending them love just as I affirm I do each morning and throughout the day. It’s easy. No one seems to take it badly, so far.
    • Why would they?

How many people give thanks to the sun? You do.

    • How many people sit quietly every day to strengthen their connection to spirit? You do. And how many people are in constant contact with their higher power, their angel? You are. Think about that for a second…
  • My Angel. Aleph. Mich-a-el. The Alpha. So many names for you, for you who has always been here whether I’ve seen you, heard you, felt you or not. How can I be the same after knowing you, knowing this?
    • What’s so important about being the same? You are always evolving, always seeking, forever curious, wondering how things work and why things happen as they do. And instead of getting stuck in political debates or philosophical meanderings — all of which are fine ways of engaging the mind — you’ve discovered a different path, and your way of walking it is your own. You tasted enough of Buddhism to understand loving-kindness and non-attachment and then laid it down once you got that. You were introduced to the power of silent meditation practice, tried Zen at Green Gulch, and have 3 week-long meditation retreats under your belt, and now you’ve found me, right here beside you. You are nothing if not bold and persistent. I am lucky to be with you. There is so much for us to explore in this lifetime together. Can you feel it?
  • Yes, I can feel it! I’m crying a bit at the thought of you feeling lucky to be with me after singing my praise. I thought I was supposed to sing your praises, to worship you?
    • It’s a mutual admiration society, really. I love you. You love me. And from that basis, we can do ANYTHING we want. Let that sink in. Let the idea of you and me together facing into the world without limitations, without fear, without needing someone else to complete us.
  • No limits. No fear. No need to feel incomplete or somehow lacking. Those feelings alone are awesome. And overwhelming. How do I integrate these realizations into my life? I feel like I’m doing all I can already.
    • And you are. Stay present. Keep doing your daily practices. And be a little mysterious. You don’t have to tell everyone about us, and yet, I don’t care who you tell. I’m not afraid of anyone’s reaction to knowing about me. You may want to get more comfortable basking in the glow and the flow though. You’ve historically liked to discharge your excitement by revealing it through story to others, and that’s great, but I wonder what would happen if you allowed yourself to experience it privately more and more while still revealing it to a select few. This is an area of growth for you. Containment. How to let the seeds sit quietly in the moist, dark soil so that they can get what they need: rest, nourishment, silence, before sprouting to life and multiplying into a more massive form. That’s where you are now

A seed in soil.

    • And I know that you have responsibilities to maintain and relationships in the marketplace to sustain. That is fine. But digging up the seed of your new awareness — of me and the infinite nature of the universe — is an old habit and I’d like you to draw your attention to it, and allow it to rest for awhile. Just see what happens when you let this experience between us deepen. Part of that happens as you relate the story to others, but in telling the story, you sometimes get the feeling that they won’t understand you, and doubt to some extent settles in. I don’t want that. This is still very new and I want to do everything I can to ensure we’ll be solid as time goes on. I can’t imagine you losing touch with me after this, but if it happens, I might never reach you again. I might have to watch you live your life and …
  • I’m not going to lose you! Not now. Not after what I’ve felt and seen these past few weeks and days. I mean, I just had coffee and sat in Central Park with Wayne Garrison after mentioning his name out of the blue to Tyler only a few days ago and then finding him on Recon yesterday. He just happened to be here in NYC with his family for a week, staying at a hotel 700 feet from where I was. Coincidence? Sure. And I loved it! I can see what you mean about over-sharing and I trust your advice and will follow it. Thank you.
    • You are welcome. It may seem strange, keeping us a secret for awhile, but I guarantee you will end up being more in touch with me and your new sense of reality in just a short time.

I know you like to share your experience.

    • I believe you could share it on a larger scale, writing it down, publishing it and going on speaking tours to share your awakening. It’s not that hard to imagine, is it? You could do it if I was there.
  • I can see myself writing a book about this and speaking to others, spreading the word. For sure! And I would not feel this way a month ago. I would have many excuses why I couldn’t do it: I’m not a writer, no one will be interested in reading it, what if I fail, etc. Those fears are gone. I promise I will follow your advice from now on regarding this and other things. I am learning much about the real nature of things and your advice to smile and be silent is hereby received.
    • That is great. You have to admit, you are open to suggestion. That means you must trust me.
  • Completely. Absolutely.
    • And what will you do now? It’s 5:17 PM. Walk the HighLine?
  • Yes. I want to get some walking in and wanted to see the HighLine again this trip. Now is the perfect time. It might be busy, but…
    • You can handle it.

You can be invisible if you want.

    • No one will bother you.
  • And I can smile and send love as I walk through the crowd. So easy.
    • It’s the nature of things. And you are getting the hang of it, I see.
  • I am. With the guidance of a few good books, a few awakened souls and you — I am very grateful, I am walking Grace. I am Love.
    • Yes. Yes. Yes. To all of that and so much more. You are Love. You are Light. Go, be and let’s share your new experiences together.
  • I’m off. More later!

2013.0801 August First

2013.0801 August First

I first made contact with my spirit guide Angel on Friday, 19 July 2013 — the 5th day of a 7-day silent meditation retreat in Northern California. Could my mind be playing tricks on me while I sat in silence? No. This was something else. This presence felt familiar but the fact that it spoke to me through the silence was something altogether new. Angel Inside is a collection of conversations I’ve had with my spirit guide over the past 3 years. You can start from the beginning with Angel Dialogue #1 or jump in and start with this one. Enjoy!

Angel Dialogue # 11

Thursday, August 1, 2013 — 12 Noon in NYC

It’s funny how fast this city moves. As I’m carried by the sheer velocity of it all, I notice myself getting challenged here and there, but I’m more aware of it, and I usually take a deep breath, holding it for a bit, and letting it and the tension go.

While at the Cloisters with Carlton yesterday, I described the presence of Angel and he seemed to get it. When we went to the museum after lunch, I felt drawn towards the first giant unicorn tapestry in the main hall just past the admissions counter. It was stunning. But what grabbed me even more was an image of the Archangel Michael above a doorway.

2013-0801-august-first-aamichael

  • Angel?

    • Yes.
  • I want to thank you in writing for being “right there” this morning when I discovered two emails from the bank telling me about a problem with my checking account. I was worried that something fraudulent had occurred and was about to log in using my iPhone but then decided to wait until I got back to my hotel and use my computer to see things more clearly. You were there. I could feel you at my back. Thank you.
    • You are most welcome. I am always here. You are learning to trust this I can see.
  • I am. And the more I trust that you are already there, you are — already there.
    • That’s how it works with most things. It’s difficult to get over the idea that it takes so much effort to get things when in fact, so much is already there, hidden perhaps, but there nonetheless.
  • Hidden but there. That sums up most of my experience.
    • Most all human experience, not just yours. As you wake up more and more, you’ll accept the grace that comes with knowing. Knowing that you are Eternal, Immortal, Universal and Infinite. And that all is possible.
  • That seems like a lot to accept. “All is possible”?
    • All. Anything. Whatever you set you intention on. With an open heart, flowing with love and light. Tell me you don’t already feel this to be true. I know you do.
  • I feel it, and I don’t question my feeling of it. But my brain, my mind, thinks that this must be a fad of some sort. That I feel good now, but as time passes, I’ll “come down off this high horse” and … wait, that sounded like my mother talking back there in quotes. I don’t believe that. 
    • You might not believe it, but that message is firmly imbedded in your unconsciousness. As you become more and more conscious, thoughts like this one are revealed and cannot stand in the Light of Knowing. 
  • The Light of Knowing. Wow…
    • Yes, the Light of Knowing. There is no refuting. it. The mind may quarrel with it, try to keep its ideas intact, but it’s an indomitable force.

Knowing is beyond reason. It simply IS.

  • It’s raining outside. I am reminded of a line from a scene near the end of the movie, V for Vendetta. It’s where Evie talks about her grandmother telling her,”God is in the rain.” I used to see God in the sunshine. And now I see God almost everywhere I look. The gap between where I see it and where I don’t is beginning to close. I’m wondering what I’ll be like, what my experience of life will be like, after the gap is gone.
    • Trust it. Trust me. It will be nothing like your life now, and yet still familiar in many ways. Imagine all of the nonsense dropping away, all of the drama, all of the insecurity and fear — just gone, and gone for good. What do you imagine you’d do with your life in this body, on this planet, then?
  • I imagine having no fear, no insecurities, no nonsense, no drama. That is a future I can’t resist. It feels like a magnet and I’m made of iron filings, pulled effortlessly into position, instinctively following invisible lines of force.
    • Invisible lines of force, indeed. If you were a big piece of iron, you would be harder to move. Being small, fluid, flexible. These are qualities that the world doesn’t honor, but it’s part of being able to feel the force that lies all around and in you. Small. Sensitive. Responsive. And from these seemingly insignificant qualities of being, something larger than life comes into being. Do you see how this is true?
  • I know that you’re saying is true even if my mind doesn’t yet grasp it.
    • That’s fine too.

Feelings come before thoughts anyway.

    • We need both, but your feeling self is waking up again, and has been exercised well with the Strozzi workshops and regular coaching from Ella. This morning’s little fiasco wasn’t so bad, was it?
  • No it wasn’t a big deal after all. There was no fraud happening on the account. The problem was that I wrote a few more checks than I had deposited back in. I had to make a transfer at the bank and collect and deposit an overdue invoice payment. 
    • It’s like that. There’s a flow and money is but one tangible form. I will be here to show you some other forms, when you’re ready.
  • I’m ready!
    • Are you? 🙂 I love your enthusiasm. I really do.
  • I’m feeling YOU. How can’t I be enthused? 
    • I see your point. Telling Carlton was a lovely thing to do, and seeing images of Michael in the museum really resonated with you I saw. 
  • Yes, telling him and seeing him did. I never really felt anything special about angels when I saw them before, but now I see winged beings and I feel like those wings are on my back. The feeling is solid and yet I’m flying.
    • You share angel qualities. You are a spiritual being in human form. The limits of what constitutes a human are not really known. Every person gets to stretch the boundaries a bit, or remain well inside them.
  • I like to stretch. Even if it scares me. I have you now.
    • You have me and always have. Stretching is one thing. Being flexible, being responsive. And hearing me — that’s something you’ve been doing more and more.
  • I definitely feel you and hear you. You are here now, with me, and the usual tests in life are less challenging. Like this morning.

What would it be like if you started getting what you wanted with less effort?

    • What if life became a continuous flow and you found yourself surrounded by forces that supported you? I want you to think about that today on your way to lunch with Tyler.
  • I will. Thank you. Being with him has been so natural these past few days. 
    • Keep breathing and listen: to him, to your feelings, and to me. 
  • What about Violet? 
    • She’s a test. She is evolving in her own way. And it can be trying but your presence is shifting her already. Remember her saying “I don’t know why I’m telling you this but…” a few times last night?
  • Yes, I do remember. And when she said that, she followed by sharing something that was painful for her to share. She shared it anyway in front of me. And I just remained open while she talked. 
    • And you were loving when you did that. You were light when you did that. You were being the instrument of love and light that you affirm every day. You went from wanting that to BEING that. Can you see?
  • Yes. Thank you. Practice comes through when I least expect it.
    • Or, it was planted on purpose and now you’re ready to be there instead of acting out an older drama. You get many chances, an infinite number of chances, to discover the nature of who you truly are. There is all the time in this life, and the next, and the next, if you need it. There is no rush.
  • I feel that to be true. Your words are so reassuring. No rush. All the time I need. An infinite number of chances. 
    • Yes. All true. And more. Get to lunch now. 
  • Thanks!

2013.0730 some things

2013.0730 some things

I made contact with my spirit guide — Angel — on Friday, 19 July 2013. It was the 5th day of a 7-day silent meditation retreat in Northern California. I thought it might just be my mind playing tricks on me while I sat in silence. But this wasn’t my mind. It was an intelligence that felt familiar and yet completely new. Angel Inside is a personal collection of conversations I’ve had with Angel over the ensuing years. You can start from the beginning with Angel Dialogue #1 or jump in and start with this one. Enjoy!

Angel Dialogue # 10

Tuesday, 30 July 2013 — 4:26 PM
The London Hotel, NYC

  • Angel?
    • Yes.
  • What do you think I should do about Tyler?
    • You’re already doing it. You’re listening to him and just being there as he tells you things he says he hasn’t been able to tell anyone else. You’ve learned some things about him since his partner passed away and about his plan to move to Brooklyn.
  • I’m all for him moving out of the apartment. It’s saturated with their energy. He is doing well to reset his environment by moving in with his old college roommate.
    • Yes. And not having to pay much rent for a while. That’s fortunate. 
  • I know, right? He seems to be coping well with the changes. I saw him making dinner for us, and cleaning dishes and arranging the apartment afterwards, and things look neater and less distracted with just him there. His energy is coming back, he looks better and is back at the gym working out. I can tell.
    • Last night at the park was sweet. Violet can be hard to be with but that’s where’s she’s at and you didn’t try to change her. I loved seeing you in her energy field — distracting and needy and yet you remained calm for the most part, allowing her to make her demands and act out most of the evening. You were happy just to be there on the blanket next to Tyler, regardless of being able to see the movie or not.
  • I was only half-interested in the movie once it started. Eating Chinese food and drinking red wine mixed with club soda seemed so effortless and easy. Then Violet showed up with enough angst to fill a box car, but it didn’t matter after she had something to eat. An hour later though, she was frantically looking for a way to charge her iPhone in the park and it was weird. A few hours without her phone to post updates on FB. She seemed determined to find a way to charge her phone in a public park filled with people. Wow.
    • Yeah. Wow indeed. You saw that and were thinking “do I do this in my own life?”
  • I was. Her actions were a warning. But I spent more time just relaxing and taking in the sights around me. I had fun. It was a cheap date. And Tyler fell asleep part of the way through the movie, which was tempting. I wanted to sleep too, but —
    • … you had to stand watch in case someone tried to steal your stuff, right?
  • Exactly. I became protective and remained awake while he slept. That felt right.
    • So you know what to do. You’re already doing it. Just be there with him. That’s easy.
  • It is and I am.
    • It is lovely to watch. No hurry. No drama. Just presence, loving and kind, no agenda. And nothing to hide. You can say and do anything with him. How many people can you be this open with?
  • Very few men, that’s for sure.
    • Then enjoy your time with him. From what I can see, you’re doing exactly what your heart wants and there is nothing better for you than that. If you were going off-course, I’d step in and give you a sense of that. All is well
  • It feels well. Thank you.
    • You are most welcome. You had a deepening thought today in the park didn’t you?
  • Yes. I had the thought that most people wait their entire lives to have a “religious experience” and I’ve already had mine, just a few weeks ago. Now what?
    • And the “now what?” got answered didn’t it?
  • Yes it did. I realized that I get to enjoy living with my new perception of life now, every moment of every day. Can I do it? It came as a challenge of sorts.

Can I just BE with this new way of being?

  • I felt an affirmation rising, without effort as the sunlight passed through the layers of branches and leaves on the trees above and around me as I walked through the park this morning. The sunlight spoke to me, silently offering “yes” in the form of shadow and light playing on my eyes, on the ground, on the water…everywhere. It became so obvious that I’m functioning differently now and the idea of “seeking” is over. Now I live in the presence of an angel who has known me all my life and whose voice I can hear and speak to whenever I want. Just writing this, and letting it sink in makes my head…
    • …swirl with energy. Wow.
  • Yeah. Wow indeed. It feels different than my third eye activating (which is more like a numbing sensation in my palate). This is is a loose swirling energy in the top of my head, maybe the crown chakra opening more. 
    • Yes. It might be that. You’ll know as it continues to open and unfold. It’s only been a few weeks. As you get more used to this being a permanent part of your experience, you will sense more and more opening, first with your heart, then your throat, and eventually, the crown will be open and available. Keep breathing baby! It’s going to be a wild ride for awhile.
  • How wild? Do I need anything to keep myself sane?
    • Your daily practices. Deep breathing. Lots of sleep. And drink more water. You’re pee is way too dark lately.
  • I’m on it. Thanks for the reminder. Gotta go now.
    • Enjoy your night. I’m here if you need me.
  • Thank you. I love you.
    • I know and you know.