Three years have passed since my last blog post and I confess:
I just deleted the poem I wrote a few days ago, something personal, between me and a handsome man who lives online, far away.
I named the poem after him, or rather his screen name. I felt an expanding wave of relief and joy in expressing such intense feelings for him out in the open. It felt reasonable and right to let others see what I was feeling about a man who might not be all that interested in me.
I knew that posting such feelings would give them structure and form.
But I didn’t consider how posting those feelings might affect him.
I say might because — although I sent him a link — I’m not sure he read it. Maybe he’s busy. Or not interested. Either way, I wanted him to know the feelings I was having.
So why delete it?
I woke up early this morning feeling that I’d gone too far — that my feelings for him were personal and just between us — not public.
That even though I can post things: this is confidential.